Let's Talk Turkey!

Let's face it, I am a nut! Not your average, white jacket, padded room kind of nut, I'm a nature nut! Which is probably worse.


I love animals, trees, flowers, you get my drift! This year I took on the awesome responsibility of raising four baby turkeys. Now for those of you that aren't familiar with raising poultry, let me tell you a little about turkeys.


Turkeys are DUMB! They can stand in their pan of food and starve to death, or even drown themselves. They aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. They are the "Dumb Blondes" of the poultry world.


My first experience raising turkeys was several years ago. My oldest daughter Tiffany was about three years old, and I was pregnant with my youngest daughter Lacey. One Saturday morning, I decided to take Tiff to the sale barn. The sale barn is a local flea market, LOADED with all kinds of goodies! You can find anything from fresh veggies to antique garden tools. It is heaven for those of us who appreciate junk of all sorts!


This particular morning, as we made our way down the aisles , we came upon an elderly lady with an assortment of feathered creatures for sale.


I bent down to take a gander ( no pun intended LOL) at the small cheeping balls of feathers, and told Tiffany to look at the little baby chicks. The lady giggled and promptly corrected me in her slow Kentucky twang. "Honey, them ain't chickens, thems turkeys" and then her giggles broke out into full fledged belly laughter!


I glanced up from the cage and knew I had hit the jackpot, I''ll take two", I quipped back at her, and my days as a turkey farmer began!


We brought our newly acquired livestock home, and settled them in to the downstairs bathroom. I box with a light bulb hanging down in it, would be a substitute for their mother.


It wasn't the best set up, but anyone needing to relive themselves could be entertained as they sat there on the throne and gaze down at my precious purchase. Live entertainment in the bathroom! Maybe I could sell tickets!


At the time, Howard The Duck, the movie was very popular, sooo Tiffany named our new additions Howard & Toots!




One morning I got up, and when I went in to check on my fine feathered friends, and was horrified to find that Toots couldn't take the pressure of being named after a movie star, and had ended it all by drowning herself in the Miracle Whip jar that was their watering dish! The horror, and devastation were intense, but, we knew we would have to go on, and we had to be strong for Howard.


Toots was buried in a shoebox in the backyard, after a wonderful memorial service. Fresh flowers adorned her little grave, Tiffany and I gave the eulogy and ended in a prayer. We then gathered in our kitchen for dinner, and reminisced with all our fond memories of Toots, and her short life! Howard was kept busy, as to try and keep his mind off the days events. but we knew he would never be the same without his beloved Toots!


A month or so passed and Howard grew and grew. My husband at the time (Steve) used to tell everyone that he had fifty pound of feed in a one pound turkey! As Howard grew so did my belly, and as I reached closer and closer to my due date, my nights became more and more uncomfortable. Sleep would elude me till the wee hours of the morning, so I didn't rise as earlier as I had.


One morning after a restless night, I arose and went out to let Howard into the pen with the chickens. He was roosting in the tree over the chicken house at this point, and would fly down into the yard to pick grass and bugs in the early morning dew.


I walked around the yard and didn't see him anywhere, so I called for him, NO ANSWER! And then, I saw him! A small bump in the grass, limp and lifeless, DEAD! My dog had killed him! Left him there for me to find.


I was beside myself! All that care, dedication and devotion, and now he was GONE!
I ran into the house and threw myself on the couch, great heaving gut wrenching sobs leaped out of my body!


It was all my fault, if I had gotten up earlier, he would still be alive! I was a turkey murderer~!!


About this time, my mom stopped in to check on me and found me on the couch still crying. "What's the matter", she said, and I looked up at her with my tear stained face and said " Howard's DEAD!!! and I broke into deafening sobs again.


With a dumbfounded look on her face, she said" Who the HELL is Howard?"
My TURKEY I screamed, and began heaving sobs again!




She quietly walked outside and went and got a shovel, and buried poor ole Howard, no funeral, no memorial, no flowers. Just shovels of dirt on top of his lifeless one pound body.


Soooo, as you see, turkey farming is quite an emotional way of life. And now I have four that are now almost full grown.....AND it's getting closer and closer to Thanksgiving!


I wonder if they have a retirement home for turkeys? I think I need to GOOGLE that!