Missing My Mom

Most of you know that my mom passed away in April. The past month has been a whirlwind of decisions, tears, anger, frustration, desperation, and overwhelming grief! In the process of living I didn't see my mother was dying, and I have guilt, and regret that sometimes overtakes me.

At the same time, I have precious memories, and the thankfulness of the times we spent together, and the nights I was with her in the hospital before she passed.

Day time in the hospital she rested better, had visitors etc. but in the night she couldn't sleep, couldn't breath and at times would beg me to help her. It was soo terrible to want to make her comfortable, to want to FIX her, and not be able to do a thing! She had also made it known that she didn't want her life prolonged,  and had a living will, so our hands were tied on what we could and could not do!

She would tell me she wanted to go home ( meaning Heaven) and I knew she missed my dad, and was tired and ready to leave this world, but one night I begged her to stay, I told her I loved her, and that I needed her, but she calmly told me that she loved me too and  I would be ok, I would be alright, and that everything was going to be ok. But right now things don't feel ok, my world has been turned upside down, and my ROCK, my solidarity, the one thing in my life I could ALWAYS count on is gone, and I'm lost! I am an orphan!

I know that I will go on, and that mom was right that I will be ok, and I know that she is at peace, and in heaven, and not tired anymore, but many days I just can't seem to get by.

Yesterday I got a goat milking stand. A silly thing to most, but the minute I got it, I wanted to call mom and tell her, I am setting up my little mini farm and would call her when I had accomplished any little thing. I called her when I got my little chicken coop built,when my chickens laid their first egg, etc. etc. and now she is GONE, no one to call, no one to share my excitement over my little farm with, no one that really would UNDERSTAND like my mom!

I miss you mom, soo much, and love you dearly. I wish you were here..... Thanks for listening everyone ...I am just missing my mom!

Turkey Trot

The past few days have been HORRIBLE! But yesterday morning I was determined to not let it get to me, so I went out to let my chickens and turkeys out to graze before I left for work. Now, normally they stay right around in the yard, picking and scratching, eating all kinds of bugs and worms and generally just enjoying life on The Funny Farm, and I in turn enjoy seeing my flock in my yard, and it makes me feel more like the FARMER I aspire to be! But of course my days have not  been going too well lately, so this one followed suite.

After a long exhausting day at work, I ventured home to find all FOUR of my turkeys gone! VANISHED! No site of them anywhere. It was like a UFO had landed and whisked them away to some far off planet where they were now undergoing medical procedures to determine how they worked!

After searching for a bit, I decided they were just gonners, and gave up. But no sooner than the thought crossed my mind the lady down the road screeched into my driveway on two wheels and asked me if I was missing Four turkeys! Apparently they had decided to hike 1/2  mile to her house and see the sights.

Hailey (my granddaughter) and I hopped in my old pick up truck and headed down the road to try and round them up. When we got there, we tried "herding" them and walking them back up thru the field like sheep, well, needless to say that didn't work! So Hailey and I began trying to catch them.

We must have looked hilarious as we ran, and chased, and grabbed at those turkeys, I would yell from one side, "Guard them like you are playing basketball Hailey!" FINALLY we caught three of them and placed each one in the cab of my old pickup. The fourth one just would not let us catch him, so Hailey herded him as me and the other three ( who were now riding shot gun next to me) drove the truck behind the rebel turkey and guided him up the lane, across the field and back to my place.

We got all four of them back in the pen, and they drank from their water container like they had just completed a great race! Hailey and I were sweaty, hot, and smelled like turkey poop (so did the cab of the truck)  but we were  no worse for the wear!. So glad they got to take a little jaunt and  be tourists for the day, it may be the last time they ever leave their pen!

Hoping to not have them do any more turkey trots for quite some time!